Friday, 24 September 2010

Big is beautiful (handsome is as handsome does)

I think the summer is over now and it feels like it's been a long one – but really it was my first, because I was born in the summer last year so I don't remember much about it. I sometimes remember my mum, and my brothers and sisters, and my first family… but I wasn't allowed in the garden so life was very different then.

I do keep an 'eye out' for another family, when I'm patrolling the gardens now, just in case something better comes along, but so far I've decided to stay with the babes. They mean well and they're not that bad most of the time.

My mum had some more brothers and sisters this summer, and the babes talked about 'getting one', but then decided it was bad timing because they would be on holiday when it was time to 'pick it up'. I think they were talking in code so I wouldn't understand, and I didn't – but I'm used to that really. I think they're getting worse as I get older.

We had quite a busy summer most of the time. They did a lot of cooking and cleaning up and had people sitting in the garden at the weekends when it was sunny and hot. After a few weeks, when the weather was cold and wet like they said it always is in August these days, they stayed inside or went out and left me on my own.

I liked it when they had people in the garden because it meant I got to play with them and stay out later. One time it was really late and they were going inside, and I realised I hadn't patrolled the gardens that evening, so I ran off to do it. I got home just as it was starting to get light – I think I might have dozed off somewhere for a while, I'm not sure – and decided to sleep with their friend who was in bed in the living room! I looked in his face to see what he was doing and he woke up and 'jumped a mile'! He told the babes it 'scared the life out of him' when he opened his eyes and saw 'this thing' looking at him! I didn't like being called a 'thing', but it was funny.

I heard she babe get up in the morning so I thought I'd go and see her, mainly because it was breakfast time. She was in the smoking room looking out of the window at the garden. It does look nice in the morning. I spend a lot of time looking out of the window at the garden. I sat next to her for a minute and looked too and then she saw me and went "Oh Forrest! Oh my goodness! There you are! Where did you come from? Where have you been? Oh my goodness!" And then she picked me up – I knew that was coming – and kept hugging me so that it made my pips squeak. She gave me my breakfast and then, instead of going out like I usually do, I decided to go back to bed. I spent nearly all that day on our bed sleeping really – I was quite worn out from the night before and my head ached and the light hurt my eyes. They said I was like a teenage boy, and it was like I had a 'hangover'. They said I looked 'very the worse for wear' and I even had bags under my eyes! (That's a stupid thing to say – even for them.) Never again!

I've had a few late nights since, but nothing like that one. I won't do that again in a hurry.

It was my birthday a few weeks so now I'm a year old. I've got so big it hurts when I go through the first catflap. Sometimes I have to stop half way to rest and the babes laugh at my bum poking out. I try to get them to open the door for me but they just say 'Forrest! Don't be so lazy!' Like THEY know what I'm thinking! They have talked about getting a bigger cat flap, or a dog flap maybe. I don't know, but I wish they'd hurry up because I'm still growing and one day I'll get stuck forever.

She babe gave me a little fuzzy mouse that rattles for my birthday and it's my best thing ever. I like pushing it under the sofa and his chest of drawers because I'm too big to fit under them, so she gets a long stick called a golf club and hooks it out, so that I can flick it back under again. The first time I flicked it under she didn't see, so I went and got her and cried so that she would know what I'd done; it took her so long to find it I got bored in the end and left her to it, but now she knows where to look so it's OK. I like it when she lies on the floor looking under things to find mousey; I usually try to help her so I put my head next to hers and look where she's looking. She needs someone to help 'cos lots of my toys are under things and he babe pretends he can't see her on the floor and he can't get on the floor to look under because of his sigh attica.

Now I'm getting older it's good, because they're giving me a bit more freedom, which I like. One weekend they went to visit some friends one night and they didn't come home! Their friend Pippa came to see me the next morning with Nancy, who is like a small version of Pippa (like me and my mum!). They thought I was 'huuuuge!' (but I know I'm just big-boned so I didn't mind) and Nancy was a bit nervous of me I think. She said 'Ooh mummy! He's giving me a look!' I felt a bit shy but I was smiling at her really, but I don't think she could tell. They were very kind and gave me my breakfast and opened my cat flap so that I could go on garden duty. Maybe I should go and live with them… I think Nancy and I could be best friends. Nancy is she babe's god son Miles's sister. One day I expect I'll know what that means.

The babes got home that evening and went to bed soon after. I think that's what you have to do if you don't come home at night.

They also went on holiday for over a week last week, and my granny came to stay! We had a lot of fun and I kept her entertained in the garden. She really laughed when I ate a little white feather and I know she told she babe on her phone! One day it rained really hard so I ran inside because I didn't like it. She laughed (why is everyone always laughing at me?) and said "Oh Forrest – you're a big baby!" Well I'm not actually. I'm a big pussy cat. But she gave me a treat to "…get over it.", so that was nice. And she told she babe on her phone.

I had a lovely time with my granny and she gave me lots of hugs. It would be nice if granddad came too – but he doesn't like London and he has to look after the garden and sheep and Spot the dog. He was born here during the war. Maybe I could help him with the garden.

One day the babes were talking about a tiny little puppy dog they saw playing with the children on their holiday and he said he knew they'd end up getting one (I thought they didn't like small dogs, but whatever). She said "No we won't!" and he said "Can you imagine the fun Forrest would have with that?" and she said "No he wouldn't, he'd just push it under the wardrobe!" She's probably not wrong.

What's new pussy cat!

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

A hard day’s night

I broke the shower curtain rail yesterday and I don’t think I was meant to.

He babe was in the bathroom and I thought I’d keep him company. I’m not really allowed in the bathroom but the door was left open so I wanted to explore a bit. It’s a small room really and I don’t like the bath thing. It’s not very comfortable to sit in, it’s cold and it’s hard to get out of. I got in it yesterday and then wanted to jump onto the toilet but the bath is slippy, so I held onto the curtain and was going to climb over, but the rail broke and fell off the wall. It made a really big crash and broke the china handle thing for the shower off and it smashed where she’d stuck it together before, and he swore! She babe came to have a look at all the noise but by then I was sitting on my worktop in the kitchen. I thought she might think he babe had done it but he told her it was me and I think he swore again! She said “Well that’s why I don’t let him in there babe.” And he said “I was just cleaning my teeth.” I knew it was his fault.

When I was a tiny kitten the lodger who was in the spare room for a while broke the rail too and they didn’t try to stop her going in there, even when he was cleaning his teeth. She said she’d slipped and grabbed the curtain, just like I did! – but he didn’t swear at her. Not so she could hear anyway. They should be a bit more sensitive to my feelings. I’m still only 10 months and two weeks old.

There’s a bath in the garden for the birds but it’s too small for me. It’s OK to have a little drink from sometimes, but the pigeons use it as a toilet as well and I don’t really like it when they do that.

Anyway, after all the excitement I went outside and found a huge beetle to play with. I needed something to take my mind off the neglect. He babe came to look and said it was a ‘stag beetle’ and she pointed her phone at it and followed it for ages. She said she was filming it, but it didn’t speak or anything. She does everything with her phone. I kept trying to splat it – the beetle not the phone! – but they kept splatting me so I couldn’t! Then it stretched its wings out so she screamed and ran down the garden waving her hands around. She looked really silly and he babe and I just stared at her really. Sometimes we don’t know what to do with her. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t want them to think I’d forgotten about the incident in the bathroom.

I’ve been a bit distant with them on and off lately – I’m just trying to be more independent, that’s all – but they’ve bought some nice soft snuggley covers for the beds now, so I’m not sleeping on the sofa as much and at least I’m a bit more comfortable. My hammocky nearly touches the floor when I get in it! Why does everything keep shrinking? The babes should complain; they must have stopped using the hammocky a long time ago ‘cos they’re much bigger than me. Maybe that’s why they got me, so I could have their hand-me-downs.

I’m quite ‘hard done by’ really… did you know, they went somewhere last weekend, on the Friday, and didn’t come home until Monday night! I didn’t mind because my granny came to stay and I love her – but I still had to pretend to be cross with them when they got back because they shouldn’t just leave me like that. They know I like to travel and get out and about. And they went in her car, and they KNOW I look good in it!

I had a nice time with my granny though; it was good to have a bit more attention paid to me. The babe’s get distracted very easily and I think they sometimes forget that I’m there, but my granny played with me a lot and I showed her all my skills in the garden – especially my latest fly catching manoeuvres. I think she was quite impressed by how much I’ve grown up. I’m not just a silly little kitten playing with toys anymore (I just do that to entertain people really). I’m onto the real thing now.

The babes had gone somewhere called the ‘Isle of Wight’ to see lots of bands and listen to music at a ‘festival’. I don’t see why they couldn’t do that here, but whatever keeps them happy I suppose. She brought me back a cuddly toy bee. Well, I’ve grown out of bees now (well… mostly… it’s just that I’m into flies and beetles at the moment, as you know) and SHE should have known that, so I pulled one of its ears off. Oh, but they said a beetle played at the festival! That’s just not fair! Why wasn’t I there? I wish I could have been there. I’d have pulled his wings off.

Oh blah di. Just another day in the life.

x

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

A partly political broadcast on behalf of the Liberal Democats

At the moment everyone seems to be talking about 'the election' and I'm being excluded.

Strange men in suits keep knocking at the front door that I'm not allowed to go through, saying things like 'I'm blah blah from the Conservative party and you said you'd put a poster [with a picture of the man in the suit on it!] in the window.' Then she babe says 'I don't think so' and the man on the poster says 'Oh, have you changed your mind?', so she laughs and he says 'Oh, maybe it was your husband. I think he said he'd think about it.' 'Ah, yes, that sounds like something he'd say. Well, let me take it anyway and we'll see.' I don't know who the husband is but I don't think she babe has one, and I haven't seen any evidence of a party, and I'd like that! Then she tells he babe and he laughs and says 'I might have said that a while ago but does he know where we live? I think we want to keep our windows!' It's really confusing. Of course he knows where you live - durr! And who said anything about wanting our windows?

The other day he babe said 'We should put posters up for all three parties! That would be funny!' Oh funny ha ha, hilarious. Not!

Last night he babe said he had made his decision and he was going to vote for the Liberal Democats! I got really excited, then she babe spoilt it by saying she wasn't sure because the 'Lib Dem' man has said he wouldn't go with Labour if they came third. She said he had probably just lost the vote she might have given him, because he should know what his policies and principles are and stick to them and not just favour the winning side, although she would probably end up voting for them anyway because they're all pants. She's clever sometimes, I just don't know what she's saying. Then they both had a bit too much to drink and argued about where they wanted to go on holiday. He wanted to go to the place with the pool table and she wanted the nice sophisticated bar on the corner or something. He said they'd been there for dinner and she said they hadn't, that was the Golden Plate. Maybe if I drank more they'd make more sense. I went to bed and left them to it. Borrrrring - they should try to include me a bit more.

I don't know much about the Liberal Democats but I don't think they're any of the funny old critters we get round here. The ginger one got stuck in the back room the other day and made such a fuss at one o'clock in the morning. I told him to just get out and stay away from my cat flaps, but he babe stroked him anyway because he was shaking and then he went home. And the fluffy black and white one from next door I think would like to be my friend because we're the same colours, but I don't know... I'll see. I'm busy enough with the babes and the garden; I'm not sure if I need friends too.

I think the election is next week and maybe the babes will just vote for someone nice and they will make my kitten treats cheaper so I can have more, and their booze and fags more so they'll have less, and buy me some more little toys cos I keep losing them. I've given quite a few to she babe in her handbag, but she just laughs and does her 'Oh Forrest, you're so funny!' thing. 'Babe! Look what he's done!' and she pokes her bag under he babe's nose and shows him my toys in it and he ignores her. Then she takes them out! See what I mean? Not sure I can handle friends with all that going on, but maybe the Liberal Democats will be different and not throw my toys out of the bag.

In the meantime the score in the garden is:
Worms - 3
Bees - 2
Blackbird - near miss
Butterfly - near miss

Yip! Garden nil - Forrest 5. I win!

Fx

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Oh blah bee, oh blah blah

Now that the spring is sprung I get to spend a lot more time in the garden with the babes. I pretend I’m not bothered really, but I keep an eye on them in case they get into trouble or do anything interesting. They also help me out sometimes, like when I try to get off the roof of the smoking room where they keep the tools and get stuck on top of the door, or when I forget where the fence goes and I can’t get down. I seem to manage when they’re not there but it makes life easier when they are and it’s nice to have their support whilst I’m practising.

My thing that I most like to do these days though is play with bees. They’re so lovely. I'm a bit bored of the big fat stripey ones now - they're too slow. I like the small busy ones; we get a lot of them on the flowers and I spend hours every day practicing my swatting, jumping, batting, splatting and acrobatic skills (especially the backflips). I’m getting really good. I brought down about two on one day at the weekend (and this weekend had four days, so the babes didn’t go out working all that time and were there to watch me, so I felt very proud). The babes are so funny! Every time I bat the big bright pink flowers (they’re the ones the bees REALLY like, called camellias) the bees bounce off and I start jumping after them, so the babes start jumping around too! They’re so silly, so I do my jumping even more because they like it so much. Then she babe runs after me and tries to catch me, but I’m like a fast slippery slug, or she says the otter in Ring of Bright Water (Midge - "midge midge"), and she can’t hold onto me! We have so much fun – it’s the best game ever. Sometimes he joins in and says things like “Oi silly bollocks (I think that might be rude!) – you’ll get stung!” Well, I’m trying he-babe; I’m sure I will eventually.

I got a bee stuck on my chin by its wings the other day and it made a really loud buzzing noise, so I hid under a garden chair, but it followed me! She babe managed to grab me and made me lose it, so I scratched her nose and made it bleed. Hah! She won’t do that again. She said that maybe she won’t get the beehive she was hoping to get just yet. Well, quite frankly I don’t think she should - I don't know what that's got to do with me but I'm not sure her hair is up to it.

I also like to collect worms – I’ve been doing it since I was really little but it’s good to keep my hand in. I’ve noticed that when I take them inside though they go a bit dry and crusty and then they don't do anything, so I might not do that so much. I was taking the big pink flowers inside for them too (the babes, not the worms, silly!) but they just laughed at me, so they can pick their own flowers from now on.

I’m getting to practice my ambushing skills a lot now and it seems to be going really well. I hide in amongst the plants and when the babes walk by I run up to them really fast, slap the backs of their legs with my hands and then, if I get my timing right, I kick off with my back feet! They always scream first (well, she does) and then laugh a lot, but I know they’re scared really. “Oh Forrest! You’re a nutter!”

She was pulling plants out of the ground the other day, for no reason, so every so often I’d charge at her from across the garden and bite her hand to make her let the plants go, but she just screamed and then laughed and carried on doing it – and I heard him tell his mum about it on the phone while he was watching me and he was laughing too. She shouldn’t do that to plants (they were called ‘weeds’). She has to think of the bees. What about the bees? – they won’t have anywhere to wait for… for the flowers, for me.

Apart from all of that, we’ve just had my first Easter time.

As you know, I love chocolate. I can’t get enough of it. So this Easter time I think is the best so far, now I’m eight months old (it was my eight-month birthday on Easter Sunday!), because chocolate is everywhere. I don’t think he babe realises that there is a ‘cream egg’ (I know what it is from the tele – it’s very gooey in the middle and explodes all over the screen) in the fruit bowl where they keep their onions, chillies and garlic. (I’m partial to the odd chilli but as she babe reminds me when she catches me eating one, I shouldn’t because they give me a hot bot bot, and she’s right you know.)

Anyway, a bit of the wrapper is missing (I think that’s because the egg was in he babe’s jeans pocket for ages before he took them off to put them in the machine that fidgets about and goes round and round (sometimes it’s more interesting than the tele – especially when it's Friends again). (Now I’m getting my brackets confused – I’m still learning and it’s quite difficult.(..([]?] (()))

><))))*>

Oh!

Erm, where was I? Yes, the wrapper. So, every time I’m passing I give it a few quick licks. I like it and the babes have no idea! (I also lick their big eggs when they leave them on the table not in their boxes, but they don’t realise that either, mostly anyway, except when I knock them on the floor by mistake.)

Anyway, all this activity is very tiring and I’m sleeping a lot. All my beds seem to have got smaller but fortunately their bed is still just about big enough – but I think one of them might have to move into the spare room soon because it’s getting a bit crowded.

And they got me ‘insured’ today, whatever that means - but I think it had something to do with bees and the ‘stings’. Oh I really hope so!

On that note, must run. Time for bee watch.

xx

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Not the man I nearly was

I went to see the nice vet man again the other day. I was a bit upset with the babes because the night before that they took my biscuits and water away when we went to bed - and they know I like to have little snacks sometimes - AND they didn't give me a single thing to eat or drink in the morning. Maybe they got confused or forgot, I don't really know, but it wasn't very nice as I was quite peckish and a bit dehydrated I think.

Anyway, quickly that morning she babe took me to the vet man. We went in her car for a change and it was fun. It's small and quite sporty and I like the noise it makes. I think I looked good in it, because it's red with a black roof and I'm black with white feet - although it did feel a bit girlie; I think I'm more of a 'Disco' man, like he babe. The vet man took me out of my mobile home and looked at my bottom (I wish he wouldn't keep doing that) and said he was just checking that I had the bits he needed. She said 'oooooh' when he said that. He said something about her coming back for me later and then SHE LEFT ME THERE! Well that was a first. Hmmm. Well, he put me on his table and the nurse came in too and the next thing I knew I was waking up! So I must have fallen asleep on his table! How embarrassing - I hope I didn't snore! I must have been so tired after not eating and drinking and driving in a fast car. For some reason I felt a bit floppy and a bit stingy and they gently put me on the nice cushion in my mobile home for a lie down. Soon after that she babe turned up to take me home. It was all a bit strange. I don't really know why I went there, but it broke the day up a bit I suppose.

She babe was very gentle with me when we got home and she'd made a nice bed for me on the sofa - but I wasn't really in the mood for that. I was HUNGRY for crying out loud! So I ran into the kitchen and had some biscuits and a little water. I still felt really tired though, and a bit uncomfortable, so I took it easy for the rest of the day and had lots of cat naps (hey!, that's funny!). It was a bit painful getting in and out of the cat flap to the back room too, so I didn't do much garden watching. Never mind. One day couldn't hurt.

It seemed to get dark really quickly that day. I felt like I'd only been up for a couple of hours and then it was dark again. Maybe some days are shorter than others. Either that or I lost a few hours somewhere.

A couple of days later he babe put a cat flap in the door to the garden and showed me how to use it. I couldn't believe it! I thought it must be a trick! But no, I was finally allowed into the garden, on my own, and could come in and go out again whenever I liked! I could run up trees, jump over the fence, chase the birds I'd been watching all these weeks... even run away if I wanted to...

The funny thing is, though, I sort of miss being out in the garden with the babes. I felt safe with them there and knew they'd rescue me if I got stuck somewhere, or find me if I got lost. So, I've decided, I'm just going to take it slowly for a little while and get a proper feel for things. I tend to stick to the edges by the fence and sit under the chairs with pots on; or I sit next to the cat flap so if I need to run in quickly I can. I don't much like running around on the grass 'cos there's nowhere to hide, but I quite like the way it feels and tickles my toes. I particularly like it when it rains! I could watch it for hours and it makes my coat extremely soft. I make sure I'm in when they get home from being out all day which they really like, so I think I should do that, and generally it's working out quite well.

I have had an upset tummy this week and it's been coming out of both ends a bit - but at least I have so far managed to make it to the litter tray in time. She babe keeps saying 'He's not himself...' (but she doesn't say who I am) and 'I think he's losing weight.' Oh good! The babes think I might have eaten something I shouldn't but I don't know. I wish I did know so I could make sure I didn't eat it again. They said 'he seems alright in himself' (I wish they'd make their minds up) so they won't call the vet yet, but they're 'keeping an eye' on me. They just get stranger and stranger.

And, just to punish me for not being 'himself', they shut the bedroom door this morning! I knew something was up when she took my hammocky off the radiator in the bedroom and hung it over the one in the kitchen! It's hardly the same is it - and I don't even sleep on that during the day, I like to sleep on their bed thank you very much! And I especially like it when I've been outside in the rain and I can charge through the flat and jump on the duvet to warm up and dry out. I thought they'd quite like my little muddy footprints everywhere - they look sweet, especially on the pillows - like a pattern (I think it's an improvement personally). He wanted to shut the kitchen door too so I couldn't even run up and down the hall but at least she said no to that 'cos I've got my little igloo out there and there's a carpet that I like to scratch.

They're just being mean to me and they're spoiling my fun. It's SO unfair!

I've just had a thought... I wonder if the chipping and pinning thing they kept mentioning a while ago had anything to do with the visit to the vets... hmmm. I wonder.

OK, back to bird watching.

Fx

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

The woman who mistook her cat for a hat

Lately I've been sleeping a lot on she babe's head. I used to sit on the pillow in the mornings to sort her hair out but now it's really cold a lot it's nice and warm to sleep on her head. I would sleep on his too but I can't because it's buried in all the pillows and snoring.

Last night she made me laugh. I was happily snoring away (I want to be like he babe - I haven't mastered the snoring yet but I can breathe loudly through my nose. At the moment it makes them laugh and say "Ahh, bless!" but when I grow up they won't be laughing; she doesn't think it's funny when HE snores!) and she woke me up. She was waving her hand across her face trying to put her hair behind her ear that wasn't on the pillow... but it was my tail!!! Of COURSE it wouldn't tuck behind her ear, silly! She did it a few times and then I think she realised it wouldn't fit and stopped trying, but it made me laugh 'cos it tickled.

Ahh, it's funny. I just remembered that.

Anyway, it's too dark to garden watch now really, and it's raining, so I think I'll go and hide my smallest toys under things again, so she can try to find them later. She likes doing that.

Fx

Monday, 25 January 2010

The morning after

They had a 'dinner party' on Saturday night and I think I'm still recovering!

When the friends first arrived I went for a sleep in the spare room – there was a lot of noisy talking all at once and music and it made my head ache. I felt better after they'd eaten so I joined them in the kitchen. People kept giving their seats up for me, which I thought was friendly, and they didn't seem to mind too much. It was nice joining them at the table for a chat after their food. They all did dancing up and down too but I mostly just watched; I tried to join in once but it was a bit busy and she babe trod on my tail, which made me cry a bit, so I thought I'd better sit down instead. It was very late when the friends all left. They got a taxi and I tried to go with them but they all stopped me. Next time maybe.

Eventually the babes went to bed, after they tidied up a bit. It’s a good job they don’t make so much mess when they do my dinner. I had to wait up for them in case I missed anything, so it was late for me too. I kept trying to ask them to hurry up and go to bed, but they just kept saying "Why are you chirping little fella?". They're not very bright sometimes. I think the thing called Cosmopolitan might have had something to do with it.

Yesterday I was really worn out. Babe said she didn’t have a ‘hangover’, she was just ‘very tired’, so I think I was the same. I don’t think I had a ‘hangover’ – although I did stretch out on the sofa with my head falling off the edge and my feet dangling for a while. She said it looked like I had my head on upside down! She’s silly. He ignores her when she tries to tell him what I’m doing and carries on watching tele.

None of us did anything all day – apart from he babe. He cooked breakfast for lunch and made a ‘roastie’ for dinner, because she cooked yesterday AND he cleaned up the kitchen. Good thing he did really – someone had to and she didn’t get out of bed for very long before it was time to go back. I lazed on the bed all day to keep her company, then we went and watched tele in the other room as we were bored of watching it in the bedroom. I just slept and slept. She kept twiddling my toes and wiggling my legs and I couldn't even be bothered to bite her and run off like I normally do when she does that. I didn’t even have the energy to play or go on garden watch (it's important that I'm very alert when I do that) and I was really relieved when we went to bed. I slept between all their feet and I haven’t done that for ages, not now I have my own room, but it was nice and cosy and I stayed in exactly the same spot until it was time to wake up, have my breakfast and help her get ready for work.

I was quite glad they were both going to be out today – I really need a bit of peace and quiet and to catch up on things – but I had a nice weekend.

I feel like the cat that got the lactose-free cream!

Fx

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Chirruping the night away

I wish I could get my own food. I was really starving hungry at 6 o'clock this morning and no-one would help me. I slept in the spare room last night - there isn't anyone in there and the duvet is very snuggly. It also means I get the bed to myself and can stretch right out, which I quite like to do and it's good for me, and I don't have to worry about all their legs in the way, or the snoring and fidgeting. And he's just as bad. I think they're both a bit of a handful really. So, I went in to see them and tell them to get up because I was hungry and bored. He doesn't really hear me when it's early and dark because his ears are plugged; I keep trying to unplug them for him but he doesn't like it and gets cross - you'd think he'd be grateful!, so then I usually sit on her pillow and try to straighten her hair instead so she doesn’t have to blow it dry (I hate that); sometimes she doesn't realise for ages, because I'm gentle, but if I bite her head by mistake then SHE gets cross. There's no pleasing them in the mornings.

This morning I just jumped on her, because I was feeling a bit irritable myself. She didn’t wake up straight away so I dribbled a teeny bit on her bottom lip, then she woke up. I think she liked it. She's always pleased to see me and strokes my head and scruffles my neck, but I wasn't really in the mood. I chirruped a lot - that's how she knows I'm bored and hungry - but she said 'NO Forrest - it's too early!' How can it be too early? If you're hungry you eat! Except I can't open those little packet things and I haven't yet managed to open the drawer where my treats are (but I'm working on it). I eat biscuits all the time (apart from the squashed pea I found on the living room floor after they had dinner last night – but I didn’t like it) so they don’t count.

Oh, but I LOVE chocolate! They had lots over ‘Christmas’ and when she wasn’t looking I’d lift the lid off her box of little ones and lick the tops off! It made me feel so alive and quite perky!

Well, she didn’t get up for another hour – and even that she said was too early really. As soon as I’m allowed out on my own things will be better. Two and a half weeks to go and I’ll be six months old and I’m going to be “chipped and pinned”! Then I can go out on my own and whenever I like (except at night, but that’s OK). I’m really looking forward to it. I’m sooo bored. Just thinking about it makes me chirpy chirp.

In the meantime I’ve had quite a lot to keep me occupied. Christmas was a busy time. We went in the car a lot so I’m quite well-travelled now – although I kept falling asleep so I didn’t see as much as I would have liked. I got some nice presents from my grannies but I can’t find one of them and I pulled the tail off the other one. I also got a hammocky that hangs over the radiator but I’ve got so big and I ‘weigh a ton’ I think I might fall through it soon.

I loved the tree that grew in our front room – especially the twinkly lights and the little balls (the big ones just flew off when I batted them but the little ones stayed on longer before they fell off). I managed to get a little supply that I hid under the sofa so I could play with them when they were watching Friends but she babe found them when she was looking under the sofa for all the toys I’d lost. I really liked it when I swatted things on the tree and all the bits of tree fell on the floor and it went all green and like the outside – and then she’d do the sweeping thing with a little brush and I love that!

One day I managed to climb the clothes horse (I don’t think it’s really a horse) in the kitchen (when I was much younger and smaller than now though) and when I got to the top it fell over and turned the radio on, really loud! That made me jump so I ran off and pretended it wasn’t me, and she was confused because she was in the bath. I’ve also been going up the wall in the hallway because he put new paper on it and it’s perfect for practising my climbing and scratching.

But best of all is I’ve been in the garden quite a lot now. They always come with me and pretend to do ‘weeding’ and ignoring me, but I know they’re not because as soon as I climb a tree they shout and grab me. The one they call the ‘orange blossom’ is best because I get half way up and then I slide down and get stuck between the tree and the fence. It’s funny. The other one is more grown up but I’m working on it and I’ll be over the fence soon, when they stop shouting and grabbing.

We had snow all over the place for ages. She kept making balls and throwing them at me but I didn’t really understand because they kept breaking and I couldn’t chase them. There was a ‘fox’ in the garden at night time too – it looked a bit like me but much much bigger and a different colour. They bought some food for it because everything was frozen, so when they weren’t looking I ate the bits off the fork. It was called ‘dog’ food and it’s quite nice. I don’t mind it.

I now have my own door in their door to the ‘back’ room and I spend most of my time sitting by the window on fox watch. I’m also checking out the birds so that when I’m finally free I’ll be able to catch them and play with them and show them to the babes. She's worried that I'm going to catch Jenny Wren, but I don't know who she is. They keep having very serious talks about when I ‘go out’. He keeps saying “He’ll be fine.” and she keeps saying things that always start “But what if he...” and often I hear words like dogs and road.

It’s so exciting – if they don’t hurry up and get my chip and pin I might explode. Chirrupy chirrupy cheep cheep. x