A partly political broadcast on behalf of the Liberal Democats

At the moment everyone seems to be talking about 'the election' and I'm being excluded.

Strange men in suits keep knocking at the front door that I'm not allowed to go through, saying things like 'I'm blah blah from the Conservative party and you said you'd put a poster [with a picture of the man in the suit on it!] in the window.' Then she babe says 'I don't think so' and the man on the poster says 'Oh, have you changed your mind?', so she laughs and he says 'Oh, maybe it was your husband. I think he said he'd think about it.' 'Ah, yes, that sounds like something he'd say. Well, let me take it anyway and we'll see.' I don't know who the husband is but I don't think she babe has one, and I haven't seen any evidence of a party, and I'd like that! Then she tells he babe and he laughs and says 'I might have said that a while ago but does he know where we live? I think we want to keep our windows!' It's really confusing. Of course he knows where you live - durr! And who said anything about wanting our windows?

The other day he babe said 'We should put posters up for all three parties! That would be funny!' Oh funny ha ha, hilarious. Not!

Last night he babe said he had made his decision and he was going to vote for the Liberal Democats! I got really excited, then she babe spoilt it by saying she wasn't sure because the 'Lib Dem' man has said he wouldn't go with Labour if they came third. She said he had probably just lost the vote she might have given him, because he should know what his policies and principles are and stick to them and not just favour the winning side, although she would probably end up voting for them anyway because they're all pants. She's clever sometimes, I just don't know what she's saying. Then they both had a bit too much to drink and argued about where they wanted to go on holiday. He wanted to go to the place with the pool table and she wanted the nice sophisticated bar on the corner or something. He said they'd been there for dinner and she said they hadn't, that was the Golden Plate. Maybe if I drank more they'd make more sense. I went to bed and left them to it. Borrrrring - they should try to include me a bit more.

I don't know much about the Liberal Democats but I don't think they're any of the funny old critters we get round here. The ginger one got stuck in the back room the other day and made such a fuss at one o'clock in the morning. I told him to just get out and stay away from my cat flaps, but he babe stroked him anyway because he was shaking and then he went home. And the fluffy black and white one from next door I think would like to be my friend because we're the same colours, but I don't know... I'll see. I'm busy enough with the babes and the garden; I'm not sure if I need friends too.

I think the election is next week and maybe the babes will just vote for someone nice and they will make my kitten treats cheaper so I can have more, and their booze and fags more so they'll have less, and buy me some more little toys cos I keep losing them. I've given quite a few to she babe in her handbag, but she just laughs and does her 'Oh Forrest, you're so funny!' thing. 'Babe! Look what he's done!' and she pokes her bag under he babe's nose and shows him my toys in it and he ignores her. Then she takes them out! See what I mean? Not sure I can handle friends with all that going on, but maybe the Liberal Democats will be different and not throw my toys out of the bag.

In the meantime the score in the garden is:
Worms - 3
Bees - 2
Blackbird - near miss
Butterfly - near miss

Yip! Garden nil - Forrest 5. I win!

Fx